We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
