So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
