Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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