woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
