some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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