I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
literally had 100 drinks last night.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
