Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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