thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
