Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
