Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
