I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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