Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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