i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
