It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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