sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Pooping to opera.
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