I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
