I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
