final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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