It was like getting head from an anaconda
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
