I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
