the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
