No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
