okay pat passed out under dana's car
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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