I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
either way he was missing a nipple.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
