There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
