you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
