It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
