By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can you bring me the toilet please
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
