what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
