it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
