He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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