I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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