Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize