Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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