there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
