Dual....:-)
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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