i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and i looked up. we had an audience...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
me + whiskey = a bad person
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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