It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Drake has all the answers
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
