my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
