Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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