She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
