Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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