I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
