I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize