she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
