my room smells like sperm. sweet.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Be still, my beating vagina.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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