where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Send help, water and tortillas.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
