I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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