I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
