C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
