M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
