Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
