He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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