Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
