my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
