sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
