No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
