I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
