I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she told me i tasted like america
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
