feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
