After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
