i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
