Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
