; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
